how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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