im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
