Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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