so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
