Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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