I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
