Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
