I just saw a hot homeless man
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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