what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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