I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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