no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
