4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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