I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
