yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
