Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
