my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
