it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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