So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
