It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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