She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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