it hurts more in the daytime
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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