I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
