Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
