ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
