Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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