SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Are my feet made of real feet?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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