Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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