Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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