So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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