cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
