oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
