Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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