When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This baby is an asshole
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
