And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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