At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
