His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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