just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
