Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Even my vagina gasped.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
