That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
