I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
