Non-Jews are for practice
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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