In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
