Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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