apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
