I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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