I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
