i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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