I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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