Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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