Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
