I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
