I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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