My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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