I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
