I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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