So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just had sex on a roof
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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