Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
