Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
