and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
