her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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