Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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