Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
