how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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