i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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