I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
