physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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