PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
