Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
