I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
