Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My vagina is very pro this idea
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
