Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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