Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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