Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
