HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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