apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
